Stardew Valley and Jealousy

Stardew Valley is a game that came out for Steam in 2016, with later ports to Playstation 4 and Xbox One, and most recently to the Nintendo Switch. It's a farming simulator - think Farmville - based on games like Harvest Moon. However, there's less of a social aspect then with Farmville, and you restore your energy by eating or sleeping than by waiting or using your real life money to increase it. Multiplayer options are known to be coming in a later update. One of the other features of this game is the ability to romance NPCs (Non Player Characters) and marry them.

Now, first I'll note: this game is highly recommended. Don't think that it isn't! It's a very relaxing game, good to play for a short while to chill yourself out. And then look around, realise you've been playing for several hours, and wonder your evening went.

However, I would like to talk about one of the weirder mechanics of this game, one I don't particularly like - jealousy.

So, on my first playthrough, I met all the NPCs, while focusing on other aspects of the game, such as farming and exploring the mines. I got to know them all, and their unique and individual personalities. One of the best features I've found about this game is while it doesn't have a huge story, all the characters are well developed over the course of heart events when you build up enough friendship with them.

Anyway, I decided to marry Elliott. He was a writer, and came with a bookshelf for my farmhouse. Seemed like the perfect match for my bookish self, and my in-game avatar. I gave him gifts, talked to him often, and danced with him at the Flower Dance. Eventually, I gave him the Mermaid Pendant, and we were married and he moved in. Happily ever after, right?

Wrong! I can't remember when, but I must have given one of the other romanceable characters a gift for some reason, probably their birthday. I mean, I still wanted to be friends with them. And having a good friendship with villagers is needed for 100% completion.

At first, Elliott just suddenly turned cold to me. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I still talked to him every day. I gave him gifts often. It felt like when a real-life friend suddenly goes cold to you for no apparent reason. A few days later, he said “So, I heard you secretly gave (An NPC) a gift today. Do I have to be suspicious of you?” And I clicked that this game must have a jealousy mechanic, which I then started looking into.

I read the other romanceable NPC's dialogue, to confirm if they all did it. They do, but there is one in particular that stood out. Abigail will say that she won't talk to any guys/girls at certain festivals. Any marriage where you feel like that is a requirement isn't a healthy marriage at all. And I do understand that giving gifts to NPC's that aren't romanceable doesn't cause jealousy, but it's the romanceable ones that tend to have better backstories and more developed events.

I must admit, I was surprised, then confused. I felt like telling him "What, don't you trust me?" But he's only a few pixels who can't talk back, so there was no chance of a healthy conversation about this "relationship." Because that's what jealousy is - an unhealthy emotion that shouldn't be present in a functional relationship, not to any great amounts. You should be able to talk over any feelings with your partner, and discuss a rational way to deal with them. Obviously, this isn't going to be possible with a video game character. But instantly jumping to a suspicious mindset isn't a good place to be. Whether it's suspicions because your partner is late back from work, or because of rumours, if you don't feel you can discuss it with your partner, or if you don't feel like you can trust them, there is likely something worse in your relationship than simple jealousy. At it's most extreme, jealousy can cause some abusive traits. Constantly checking in on someone and not letting them see other people are not signs of love, they're signs of control.

Also, so that we're clear: I know it was a video game, and not real life. But games don't exist in a vacuum - things like this can lead to people expecting this sort of behaviour in real life, or even thinking it's an appropriate way to act themselves. Every piece of media ever made reflects society.

So, what would I have done? I may have seen this idea somewhere else, so I apologise. But I would have made a friendship bracelet item to give to NPCs to signal that you just want to be friends with them. This would unlock a different ten heart event to the romantic one, and would mean your spouse doesn't get jealous.